Love and Misery

“No! The bad part is when you forget her, when you don’t care about her, when you don’t care about anything. The bad part is coming, so enjoy the heartbreak while you can for godsake!” — Louie season 4 episode 10

I’ve been in love twice so far in life. The first time was in 6th grade to a girl so beautiful it was a part of her name. The second time, my senior year of college, to a girl that seemed to have it all — a sweet smile, a spontaneous nature, a creative mind. The two times I’ve been in love the sensations were remarkably similar.

In 6th grade, I had a friendship with the girl at first. I was the funny guy. It made me happy to make her laugh. It’s weird because there was a transition from liking to hang around her to needing to be around her that I didn’t even notice happening. I liked her then I loved her, and that was it. Unfortunately, she didn’t like me in the same way, and that really sucked.

I was attracted to the girl from college almost immediately. I always wanted to be around her, but alas that wasn’t meant to be either. The key thing that both these situations taught me was that lovesickness wasn’t mere metaphorical or psychological nomenclature, it was a real, physical thing. And it sucked.

Or, so I thought until I saw the clip from Louie. What I realized is that the misery of losing one’s beloved (or not even attaining her in my case) is a phase of love in its own right. The key insight I got from watching this clip is that the time line for love is the exact opposite of time as we perceive. In love, we start in the future — we think about how great things might be with the person whom we desire. Then, if we’re lucky we experience some time with that person. Finally, after the relationship ends, we reflect on the past of our relationship and what we expected from it.

So yes, love sucks. But then again, maybe it doesn’t.