Whiplash

Every kid needs four key ass-whippings in life, and every parent has to do their best to hand them out. They are the Stealing, Lying, Cheating, and Disrespecting ass whippings. Every grown-up who doesn't know how to act missed the key ass whippings. If you can't drill into a kids head, you have to drill it into his butt. Please whip your kids ass before the government whips it for him.
Chris Rock, Rock This, 1997

Chris Rock's 1997 book, Rock This, was my introduction to comedy. I bought a copy from Goodwill when I was twelve or thirteen. The subject matter was pretty mature and above my age-grade, but there was one bit - "spare the ass, spoil the child" - about which I was an expert. As a pugnacious child of Nigerian parents, I've received my fair share of whippings. In fact, in 2002, I was awarded People magazine's most whippable child alive in the disrespecting category.

Before my parents would whip me, they would ask me to explain why I thought I was receiving the whipping. They would help me connect the dots between my actions and the "negative externalities" of those actions. Then they would tax my ass.

Those whippings hurts like hell, but they weren't given out of malice. They were given as an act of love. Whippings can only be an act of love when done by people with the capacity for love - like my parents - who cater to the specific needs of the people they care for. This type of whipping teaches kids to feel the real, physical consequences of their actions on others in the community. This is important because a community is just a collection of individuals that have chosen to live as one. This type of whipping teaches kids to internalize that the community's pain is your pain. This type of whipping is about unity - replacing I with We.

A whipping from the Government is not an act of love. It's not an act of malice either. It's an act of bureaucracy. Whippings from the government are based on the procedures and policies that cater to the best outcome for the State. This type of whipping teaches citizens to fear the real, physical consequences of their actions on the State's Sovereignty. This is important because a State is a political entity represented by a government with sovereignty (power!) over a geographic area. This type of whipping teaches citizens to integrate the States required policies and procedures into their moral code. This type of whipping is about socialization - replacing ethics with legality.